'Live'blogging the BAFTAs [Attempt]

DISCLAIMER: The formatting is seriously messed up, with words broken apart without - for no reason. I apologize.

Red Carpet: I am just really happy, as they used Kasabian's "Underdog" as soundtrack.

Opening/Monologue: Jonathan Ross is funny. He was very good last year, as well. Unfortunately, I don't know if the audience comprehends his humour, like the expense report dig, as there are quite a bit of Americans there.

Montage: I like the categorization and clipping/editing. "Watchmen" came out only last year?

Duncan Jones is David Bowie's son! But he's probably sick of hearing that. "Moon" looks amazing.

-This 'live'blogging sounds quite juvenile-

Ah, a commercial break. Now, I can explain. I believe that in many respects, the BAFTAs are superior to the Oscars. They're a bit funnier. So, and considering my poseur blogspot profile, I decided that I could definitely 'live'blog this.

I shall publish the post at every commercial break. So keep checking.

I keep adding quotes around 'live,' as the telecast is anything but live, seeing as my watch tells me it's 1:18 in London. Henceforth, the quotes shall disappear. Plus, a LA Times breaking news email alert landed in my inbox hours ago [though I didn't read it. All I know is 'The Hurt Locker' won big].

There was more I was going to say, but I have currently forgot. I hope I don't completely botch this.

"Two people who've spent even less time at the gym than me" -Ross

One emaciated and one tubster walk out. Tubster? Is that even a word? Tubby+Chubster. Well, it's one now.

No really? 'Avatar' won best Special Visual Effects? What an upset!

'Avatar' montage: An American says kilo? They used real horses for the movie!

Supporting Actor: PEOPLE, LAUGH AT THE JOKES! Damn, that's a big theatre. This beard trend is amazing! The acceptance speeches here are much more eloquent/less laundry listed than the Oscars. I really hope that people take advantage of the Thank You Cam that the Oscars are introducing.

Honestly, so far, I do not believe that my blogging has been in any way insightful or interesting. It may also be confusing if you aren't/didn't watch. Or if you're not interested. I Though most blogs in general are not insightful or interesting. But I shall continue. I'd appreciate feedback throughout. I'm just curious to see what the effort produces. So feel free to mark 'Lame' under Reactions. I completely sympathize.

Why is Anil Kapoor here? No offense, man, but you were not the star of 'Slumdog Millionaire.' No offense.

This isn't working. I'm just going to comment on certain

things, not everything.

Supporting Actress: Haha, Matt Dillon! Where are Ms. Linz and Ms. Geletko with a DVD of "The Outsiders." So far, this has been a

Golden Globes repeat.

The formatting has got a bit messed up. Not going to bother to change it now.

Outstanding British Film: The differentiation is interesting. And it also highlights my ignorance and that I shouldn't be doing this. My harping is annoying, right?

'Up in the Air' montage: Awww, Sweeeeeeeet. This movie was good. And depressing-ish. SPOILED.

Original Screenplay: Robert Pattinson looks so strange. He looked so much better in "Harry Potter." I really want to see "The Hurt Locker." Gratuitous Twitter reference: #inanity

Production Design: I should have at least seen "Vanity Fair," since I couldn't finish my annotations. Oh well. Yes, that has nothing to do with the nominees, but apparently with a presenter.Especially in this category, along with the acting ones, you find that you wish certain movies could be re-nominated, or released in a different year, as there is a foregone winner["Avatar"], though many of the others are definitely deserving. A guy fell asleep?! Or was that just a bad shot.

'The Hurt Locker' montage: Dude. I have to see this.

Rising Star Award: Haha, I love the wordplay."Underdog" ain't really the right soundtrack for Kristen Stewart, as she probably wasn't, seeing as this was voted on by the public, and she was in a gigantic film. Her acceptance speech is nice and gracious.

Adapted Screenplay: I like the clip from 'Up in the Air.' Especially the end. They've never seen a male nurse? They've never seen "Meet the Parents?!" What a travesty! [That was a joke.] "Up in the Air!" I remember reading about the battle for the screenwriting credit, so the Globes and Turner's delivery of Reitman's acknowledgments are interesting.

Passings: What are you supposed to say? It is just simply sad.

Animated Film: I haven't seen a single one of these.Unfortunately.

Film Not in the English Language: Haha, I love the "translation."

'Precious' Montage: Woah, the director's changed his hairstyle dramatically since the interview. I don't think I would ever have the guts to see this movie.

Director: Clive Owen! I maintain that "Inside Man" was a fantastic movie. Oh my god, "District 9" was amazing. But I could only sit through half of it. Go Kathryn Bigelow! Haha, I want to know what James Cameron's wife just said. Probably nothing bad, but I'm just curious.

Fellowship: Prince William is a presenter?! Oh, a presenter of a presenter. Cool. Damn, pronouncements by Olivier and Tennessee Williams. That is cool. Dude, Prince William looks like he's about to start laughing aha. I think her speech is lovely.

Actor: The laptop is now running on reserve power, eeps. But it says 29 min left. On verra. Gollum in drag makeup? Yo, Colin Firth.

Actress: Sweet ponytail[?], Mickey Rooney. Haha, teleprompter love. Cool, Carey Mulligan. I wanna see the movie.

Film: Noooo, no more looks at the nominee. Ey, Dustin Hoffman! So, I was watching "Meet the Fockers" the other day, and I forgot how much I loved the movie. Yes, that is a sad reference. Moving on. Yo, 'The Hurt Locker." Cool. I've said that a lot tonight. Yo, cool.

It's over? Already?

Well, thanks for reading this if you are. I'm sorry this wasn't clever, unlike actual critics'. I will try to be better in the future. No, don't scream "noooo" silently, it will be better!

Disclaimer: I'm honestly not trying to offend or make fun of anyone. If I have made an observation about anyone or anything, it doesn't mean I don't like them.

Leafy

This is a really short, banal post. Not quite the way to start blogging after a three month absence. Miss me? Yeah, right.

Basically, I have decided that this month shall be a vegetarian month. No, I didn't pick February because it's the shortest month, but rather because I remembered I was supposed to do it in January halfway through a steak. So I'll probably compensate by extending it through- what's the month after this?- March [?]

I've mandated that no meat can be cooked in this house, since we all eat the same food, much to the chagrin of my father. However, I'll allow meat to be cooked if it's a separate dish. Kind of bossy and not my place, for someone who doesn't cook. Thanks, mom!

As for my decision to do this? I quite honestly don't know. As a younger child, I labelled myself a carnivore and shuddered in horror at the thought of vegetarianism. I liked my vegetables, but I mean, seriously? No bacon? No KFC? No bloody steak? Never mind the fact that I could count the times I've had good ol' Kentucky Fried Chicken on one, maybe one and a half, hands, but still! One never likes not having the option to do something. It's like that whole mentality of not caring about something until it's taken away.

Honestly, though, I really really love vegetables. I'll eat anything from any food group, unless it has bell peppers <---nemesis.

Veggies are inherently delicious. And good for you. So it's really no sacrifice.

Yeah, I'll miss my tempura shrimp, frozen pizza, Panda Express/other Chinese food involving chicken, prosciutto [snob, much? but spelled it right on my first try!], chicken and rice, Jack in the Box tacos [2 for 99 cents!], chili, etc. My, that doesn't sound very healthy. And it's quite a long list. However, it's not like I have meat every day.

Anyway, to close this post about something you probably don't care about, this should be interesting. I'm pretty sure I can totally handle this.

I just realized that this may seem slightly selfish, as I'm not doing this for "humane" reasons, but oh well. I love animals, but that doesn't mean I shan't eat meat. And I hate cows. Ask me about it sometime.

Meat=protein. Yes, vegetarians can use supplements, but did you know... the Dalai Lama was ordered by his doctor to quit being a vegetarian because he developed jaundice due to a lack of protein in his diet. I read this 6 years ago in a Reader's Digest, so forgive me if my memory's not crystal.

And I'm still eating eggs. Ha.

"Happy" Guy Fawkes Day

I like the "Horrible Histories" version the best.

Remember, remember, the fifth of November

Gunpowder, Treason, and Plot

Was Guy Fawkes a devil,

The Stuarts all saints,

Are we glad that they stopped him

Or not?

-The Slimy Stuarts, Terry Deary

My Hair Colour is Decidedly Brown

I shall make a proper post. Sometime.

Guess what? I clicked on the wrong tab for the posts, thus the formatting difficulties. Typical.

On a side note, what do you think of rhyming "senator" and "mangy cur?" And "small fry" and "awry."

Yes, I know.

Smackdown II

If you don't want to be smacked in the face, DON'T

Go to the U2 Concert just because it's a concert at the Rose Bowl. And just because you like the Black Eyed Peas.

I bet you don' even LIKE U2, you just think you're being cool [and after last night, boy do I have a lot to say on people who think they're cool. Tomorrow.].

AND, you're wasting tickets, preventing people who would give their balloon best friend to go from getting tickets.

Not nice. Poseurs. Boo.

Name me 10 U2 songs. Besides "Beautiful Day" and "With or Without You" or even "Get On Your Boots," those of you who watch the Grammys. But I bet you couldn't even recognize those songs until they get to the chorus. Pathetic.

Sorry, I'm really quite bitter right now, and I'm writing really quite terribly.

Additionally, if you would like to keep your cheek un-starry,

Let me format my posts easily, blogspot! I don't want to spend time trying to find the font window for "Courier."

What?

Why won't you let me format this blog post, blogspot?
Why won't anyone read my blog, blogspot?
Why won't anyone comment, blogspot?
Why won't anyone clickety-click, blogspot?
Why won't...oh, nevermind that's none of your business, blogspot.

Genius Recommendations

You have the option of looking at the title of this post in three ways:

a. egotistical pretentions [does that make sense?]

b. a play on iTunes

c. genius refers not to the recommender but to the recommendations themselves!

[it's c.]

However these recommendations do relate to b.

Because they are _______ recommendations!

PODCASTS!

[is it just me or is this post turning out quite lamely?]

The Wonderful World of the iTunes Podcast Directory [I deftly added the 'the' so I wouldn't have to deal with possessive apostrophes. I'm sure you care.]is filled with many pop rocks for your brain as it stimulates your brain to crackle with the electricity of new ideas. Wow.

There are many worthy podcasts, but I cannae listen to them all, so I shall solely discuss those that have caught my eye and I have found worth listening to. Yes, most of them are in the 'Comedy' section. No, I am not limited.

These are in no particular order:

The Onion Radio News

Category/Type:Comedy

Format:A mock radio broadcast.

Formulaic, with description and one soundbyte.

Host[s]: "Doyle Redland" [Pete S. Muller]

Pros:Short, mock-gravitas, etc. Both dry and obvious humour. Hilariously topical. Daily episodes. It's the only audio Onion offering. Area person.

Cons:Sometimes too short and unfunny

Best Time to Listen:When you just want a quick pick-me-up/just before you fall of to sleep

Average Duration::50-1 min.

New episodes every: day

Back Episodes: I believe so

Website: Click here [I've always wanted to do that!]

iTunes Rating:4.5

My Rating:***

Depends on your likes

This American Life

Category/Type:iTunes says "Personal Journals." Basically, stories, anecdotes, and explanations of a theme

Format:An introduction interview, followed by the revealing of the theme and an overview of the show, followed by the "acts," with music in between.

Host[s]:Ira Glass, with multiple correspondents and contributors, like Sarah Vowell, David Sedaris, Mike Birbligia, etc.

Pros:They choose interesting topics and produce them masterfully. It's funny, engaging, and informative. You always learn something. They apparently broadcast an episode in theatres in May [I think May].

Cons:If you're completely not interested in a topic, you're out of luck, because the whole episode is basically centred [type the Queen's English!] around the theme. On the plus side [pros], they manage to still make it relatively enjoyable.

Best Time to Listen:On the bus, on a journey, when you have a nice chunk of time, if you're being forced to go to bed but can't sleep for a bit. No distractions.

Average Duration:about an hour

New episodes every:week, usually Sunday-Mondayish

Back Episodes [iTunes]: No

Website: Click here

iTunes Rating:*****

My Rating:****.69

Definitely worth it.

Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4

Shows:The Now Show, I Guess That's Why They Call It the News [IGTWTCITN], The News Quiz.

They have series [seasons] for each. i.e., each show will be podcasted for a certain duration of time, before it's rotated. So there may be more shows. All info for this podcast should be considered respectively [by show].

Category/Type:I have no idea.

Format:A variety-type show; a "news quiz," where the panel is given a headline and the farther they are from the real story, the more points they get for their team; a, well, news quiz, where they basically have to be funnily brilliant and brilliantly funny to score points for their team.

Host[s]:Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis [the gentleman from "Outnumbered" an awesome show. Ah, the joys of Emirates' Inflight Entertainment System]; Fred MacAulay; Sandy Toksvig.

Pros:Hilarious. Brilliant. British. I could go on and on. And they have cool panel people. Ask me if you want to know more, there's just too much to say.

Cons:You might not understand what they're saying. Accent-wise and content wise. Emphasis on YOU. If you're not an Anglophile, then it's questionable as to whether this is the choice for you.

Best Time to Listen:Anytime [see "This American Life"], but don't multitask with this one. It deserves your undivided attention.

Average Duration: 28 minutes

New Episodes Every:Would you like to venture a wild guess?

Back Episodes [iTunes]:No, but their website may have some.

Website:Click here

iTunes Rating:****.5

My Rating [because it's more important, of course]:*****

The Bugle

Category/Type:Satire

Format:"An Audio Newspaper for a Visual World." Focus on the first part. They have segments akin to sections of a newspaper. It's run by the Times

Host[s]:Andy Zaltzman [the most hilarious random tangents in the world]and John Oliver [The Daily Show!]

Pros:It's all around amazing. It's hilarious [my, aren't we overusing that word today], unintentionally informative, and they have these little fixations of theirs' [how do you punctuate that?], like "Hotties from History" and "The Audio Crossword." They read Buglers' emails which are also quite amusing. It's the best. Every so often the equivalent to "Album artwork" changes on your iPod while you're listening. The "Ask an American" segment. The poor Scottish producer, Tom. Random cricket and rugby stats. All priceless.

Cons:Nothing. Except Anglophilia is recommended.

Best Time to Listen:See "This American Life" and "Friday Night Comedy." Out of all of them though, you need to devote the most attention to this one, because if "you lose [a] moment/you might lose a lot" [really? I always thought it was "you might lose a life"] to quote that song of that evergreen sage Lizzie McGuire. No, of course I haven't seen that movie more than once. Yes, I'm lying. Yes, I have better taste in music. Yes, holding conversations with yourself may seem a tad strange.

Average Duration: 30-38 minutes

New Episodes Every:week

Back Episodes [iTunes]:No. See website for everything, free of charge.

Website: Click here

iTunes Rating:*****

My Rating: ************************∞

If you'd like me to include any more categories/information please let me know. This is going to be a series- not just for podcasts [though there may be more], but in general. Pleeeeease comment anyway! The multiple "e"s signify my begging. Do you dig my "Bugle" rating- astute reader[s?] shall get this.