Inspired?

I have found that it's hard to start at the beginning for anything, be it post titles or article ledes. I like that spelling.

And, subsequently, the beginning of blog posts, itself. If you are reading this for the first time, or even if you're not, you should know that I have the tendency to digress and meander. That might not seem like a good thing, but it entertains me when I reread these. I'm also stating this because I shall not write "I digress" each time now, unless 'tis for 'dramatic' effect. Nor shall I try and explain everything. See sidebar, cryptic > obvious.

I would also like to apologize [I am such a fake. A poseur *gasp* even(read other posts to comprehend the full horror of this statement). I have previously stated my affinity for the Queen's English, yet I spelled 'apologize' as 'apologize' as opposed to 'apologise'] for the currently less-than-stellar [as evidenced by that whole spiel [sp?] in brackets] writing.

Searching through old drafts, I found this gem of a post from late January, which I've decided to attempt to expand. The new stuff starts after this brief interlude.

Anyway... You know here's the other thing. People often [and dude, what's up with saying 'ofTen' instead of 'offin'] say "anyways" instead of "anyway." I'm guilty of this offense as well, but when you think about it it makes no sense to pluralize it. 'Way' refers to 'path,' so it's like if you were to say "Oh, Marion, whichever ways you choose you're never going to end up with a stupid name like John." But that makes no sense. Because young Marion chose a WAY, and ditched his name, which, by the way is my awesome fifth grade teacher's name, in favour of the supposedly manlier 'John Wayne' and see how his life turned out! He has an airport in Orange County named after him!

What was I saying?

See kids, this is why you don't drink black coffee during fifth period, let it cool to much, try and add brown sugar, and then allow Splenda packets to be within the reach of certain people who will pour more than a few into said drink. Yech.

P.S. Honestly. Expect a post tomorrow. Actually, a few. Or on Friday.

In the Spirit of Full Disclosure

With the recent crop of political scandals and resulting resignations, I felt it would be appropriate to divulge certain information that has haunted me for the past seven years, in the event that I pursue a political career.

This sordid saga has its roots in 2003, involving xanthophobia and, it pains me to say, a bribe.

Yes, a bribe. Perhaps even more ignobly, the exchange took place in a classroom setting. How can I bear myself, knowing that I allowed, even initiated, such a heinous act to permeate a room intended for the molding of our nation's youth.

It all spiraled from the christening of our table groups in the classroom, with a 'wild' or 'horror' theme. As my group was unique in that it consisted of two people, we felt naturally superior and therefore named our table after the most illustrious of supernatural creatures, the [true] vampire.

Meanwhile, a rather large group, who incidentally consisted of some good chums, gave their table a rather plebeian, rather unnecessary long [four words] name.

This drew the laughter and scorn of certain members of the class, including, I am loth to admit, myself.

How could I have participated in this breakdown of civility? Where does that leave my moral compass? How can I profess to want to help the world? This is why I take the story to you, my loyal...loyal...um. You get the point.

As we stood in line by the door, eager to escape to glorious nutrition, ahem, sorry, recess, my teacher, who was actually a very pleasant person, swooped down upon a fellow mocker, and instituted what was to me the most horrible punishment of all: "Change your card!"

He, whom I believe was no stranger to the yellow card, went off to do so, leaving me standing in line with bugged-out eyes that anyone who saw me do French dialogues in eighth grade would be familiar with.

Upon his return, I frantically begged him not to rat me out. I pegged him as one of those kids who would not consider 'niceness' as a mantra. And quite honestly, if I had done the same as him, why should I not receive the same consequences?

You have to see, a yellow card [this ain't soccer] would be an unsightly and horrific blemish on my card score sheet. I prided myself on the fact that my last changed card was in 1999. I strived to be the perfect child in school! Each day we remained green meant we could color our score card green. A month of green=teacher lunch [in school] and usually green Powerade [disgusting]. Neither may seem all that appealing to you, but it was. For some reason.

Anyway, I digress. He stood there with a smirk on his face, stubbornly refusing to cover for me. But then I realized I held immense power between my two hands.

Who could resist the power of the mighty Oreo?

I offered him two of my three Oreos in return for his silence. Perfect.

But not really. This lapse of moral judgment and character has haunted me for years. Only in 2007 did I begin to slowly come to terms with my youthful mistake. But I cannot blame it solely on my youth. What kind of monster was I, committing such evil at such an early age?

That is why I take this to you, in the spirt of full disclosure. I cannot keep this unconscionable act to myself any longer. I do not want this incident to torpedo any future career, but of course, that is definitely not the reason I'm sharing this with you. I know you may it find it hard to forgive my indiscretion, but please, in your hearts, find some room.

Mea Culpa.

'Live'blogging the BAFTAs [Attempt]

DISCLAIMER: The formatting is seriously messed up, with words broken apart without - for no reason. I apologize.

Red Carpet: I am just really happy, as they used Kasabian's "Underdog" as soundtrack.

Opening/Monologue: Jonathan Ross is funny. He was very good last year, as well. Unfortunately, I don't know if the audience comprehends his humour, like the expense report dig, as there are quite a bit of Americans there.

Montage: I like the categorization and clipping/editing. "Watchmen" came out only last year?

Duncan Jones is David Bowie's son! But he's probably sick of hearing that. "Moon" looks amazing.

-This 'live'blogging sounds quite juvenile-

Ah, a commercial break. Now, I can explain. I believe that in many respects, the BAFTAs are superior to the Oscars. They're a bit funnier. So, and considering my poseur blogspot profile, I decided that I could definitely 'live'blog this.

I shall publish the post at every commercial break. So keep checking.

I keep adding quotes around 'live,' as the telecast is anything but live, seeing as my watch tells me it's 1:18 in London. Henceforth, the quotes shall disappear. Plus, a LA Times breaking news email alert landed in my inbox hours ago [though I didn't read it. All I know is 'The Hurt Locker' won big].

There was more I was going to say, but I have currently forgot. I hope I don't completely botch this.

"Two people who've spent even less time at the gym than me" -Ross

One emaciated and one tubster walk out. Tubster? Is that even a word? Tubby+Chubster. Well, it's one now.

No really? 'Avatar' won best Special Visual Effects? What an upset!

'Avatar' montage: An American says kilo? They used real horses for the movie!

Supporting Actor: PEOPLE, LAUGH AT THE JOKES! Damn, that's a big theatre. This beard trend is amazing! The acceptance speeches here are much more eloquent/less laundry listed than the Oscars. I really hope that people take advantage of the Thank You Cam that the Oscars are introducing.

Honestly, so far, I do not believe that my blogging has been in any way insightful or interesting. It may also be confusing if you aren't/didn't watch. Or if you're not interested. I Though most blogs in general are not insightful or interesting. But I shall continue. I'd appreciate feedback throughout. I'm just curious to see what the effort produces. So feel free to mark 'Lame' under Reactions. I completely sympathize.

Why is Anil Kapoor here? No offense, man, but you were not the star of 'Slumdog Millionaire.' No offense.

This isn't working. I'm just going to comment on certain

things, not everything.

Supporting Actress: Haha, Matt Dillon! Where are Ms. Linz and Ms. Geletko with a DVD of "The Outsiders." So far, this has been a

Golden Globes repeat.

The formatting has got a bit messed up. Not going to bother to change it now.

Outstanding British Film: The differentiation is interesting. And it also highlights my ignorance and that I shouldn't be doing this. My harping is annoying, right?

'Up in the Air' montage: Awww, Sweeeeeeeet. This movie was good. And depressing-ish. SPOILED.

Original Screenplay: Robert Pattinson looks so strange. He looked so much better in "Harry Potter." I really want to see "The Hurt Locker." Gratuitous Twitter reference: #inanity

Production Design: I should have at least seen "Vanity Fair," since I couldn't finish my annotations. Oh well. Yes, that has nothing to do with the nominees, but apparently with a presenter.Especially in this category, along with the acting ones, you find that you wish certain movies could be re-nominated, or released in a different year, as there is a foregone winner["Avatar"], though many of the others are definitely deserving. A guy fell asleep?! Or was that just a bad shot.

'The Hurt Locker' montage: Dude. I have to see this.

Rising Star Award: Haha, I love the wordplay."Underdog" ain't really the right soundtrack for Kristen Stewart, as she probably wasn't, seeing as this was voted on by the public, and she was in a gigantic film. Her acceptance speech is nice and gracious.

Adapted Screenplay: I like the clip from 'Up in the Air.' Especially the end. They've never seen a male nurse? They've never seen "Meet the Parents?!" What a travesty! [That was a joke.] "Up in the Air!" I remember reading about the battle for the screenwriting credit, so the Globes and Turner's delivery of Reitman's acknowledgments are interesting.

Passings: What are you supposed to say? It is just simply sad.

Animated Film: I haven't seen a single one of these.Unfortunately.

Film Not in the English Language: Haha, I love the "translation."

'Precious' Montage: Woah, the director's changed his hairstyle dramatically since the interview. I don't think I would ever have the guts to see this movie.

Director: Clive Owen! I maintain that "Inside Man" was a fantastic movie. Oh my god, "District 9" was amazing. But I could only sit through half of it. Go Kathryn Bigelow! Haha, I want to know what James Cameron's wife just said. Probably nothing bad, but I'm just curious.

Fellowship: Prince William is a presenter?! Oh, a presenter of a presenter. Cool. Damn, pronouncements by Olivier and Tennessee Williams. That is cool. Dude, Prince William looks like he's about to start laughing aha. I think her speech is lovely.

Actor: The laptop is now running on reserve power, eeps. But it says 29 min left. On verra. Gollum in drag makeup? Yo, Colin Firth.

Actress: Sweet ponytail[?], Mickey Rooney. Haha, teleprompter love. Cool, Carey Mulligan. I wanna see the movie.

Film: Noooo, no more looks at the nominee. Ey, Dustin Hoffman! So, I was watching "Meet the Fockers" the other day, and I forgot how much I loved the movie. Yes, that is a sad reference. Moving on. Yo, 'The Hurt Locker." Cool. I've said that a lot tonight. Yo, cool.

It's over? Already?

Well, thanks for reading this if you are. I'm sorry this wasn't clever, unlike actual critics'. I will try to be better in the future. No, don't scream "noooo" silently, it will be better!

Disclaimer: I'm honestly not trying to offend or make fun of anyone. If I have made an observation about anyone or anything, it doesn't mean I don't like them.

Leafy

This is a really short, banal post. Not quite the way to start blogging after a three month absence. Miss me? Yeah, right.

Basically, I have decided that this month shall be a vegetarian month. No, I didn't pick February because it's the shortest month, but rather because I remembered I was supposed to do it in January halfway through a steak. So I'll probably compensate by extending it through- what's the month after this?- March [?]

I've mandated that no meat can be cooked in this house, since we all eat the same food, much to the chagrin of my father. However, I'll allow meat to be cooked if it's a separate dish. Kind of bossy and not my place, for someone who doesn't cook. Thanks, mom!

As for my decision to do this? I quite honestly don't know. As a younger child, I labelled myself a carnivore and shuddered in horror at the thought of vegetarianism. I liked my vegetables, but I mean, seriously? No bacon? No KFC? No bloody steak? Never mind the fact that I could count the times I've had good ol' Kentucky Fried Chicken on one, maybe one and a half, hands, but still! One never likes not having the option to do something. It's like that whole mentality of not caring about something until it's taken away.

Honestly, though, I really really love vegetables. I'll eat anything from any food group, unless it has bell peppers <---nemesis.

Veggies are inherently delicious. And good for you. So it's really no sacrifice.

Yeah, I'll miss my tempura shrimp, frozen pizza, Panda Express/other Chinese food involving chicken, prosciutto [snob, much? but spelled it right on my first try!], chicken and rice, Jack in the Box tacos [2 for 99 cents!], chili, etc. My, that doesn't sound very healthy. And it's quite a long list. However, it's not like I have meat every day.

Anyway, to close this post about something you probably don't care about, this should be interesting. I'm pretty sure I can totally handle this.

I just realized that this may seem slightly selfish, as I'm not doing this for "humane" reasons, but oh well. I love animals, but that doesn't mean I shan't eat meat. And I hate cows. Ask me about it sometime.

Meat=protein. Yes, vegetarians can use supplements, but did you know... the Dalai Lama was ordered by his doctor to quit being a vegetarian because he developed jaundice due to a lack of protein in his diet. I read this 6 years ago in a Reader's Digest, so forgive me if my memory's not crystal.

And I'm still eating eggs. Ha.

"Happy" Guy Fawkes Day

I like the "Horrible Histories" version the best.

Remember, remember, the fifth of November

Gunpowder, Treason, and Plot

Was Guy Fawkes a devil,

The Stuarts all saints,

Are we glad that they stopped him

Or not?

-The Slimy Stuarts, Terry Deary

My Hair Colour is Decidedly Brown

I shall make a proper post. Sometime.

Guess what? I clicked on the wrong tab for the posts, thus the formatting difficulties. Typical.

On a side note, what do you think of rhyming "senator" and "mangy cur?" And "small fry" and "awry."

Yes, I know.

Smackdown II

If you don't want to be smacked in the face, DON'T

Go to the U2 Concert just because it's a concert at the Rose Bowl. And just because you like the Black Eyed Peas.

I bet you don' even LIKE U2, you just think you're being cool [and after last night, boy do I have a lot to say on people who think they're cool. Tomorrow.].

AND, you're wasting tickets, preventing people who would give their balloon best friend to go from getting tickets.

Not nice. Poseurs. Boo.

Name me 10 U2 songs. Besides "Beautiful Day" and "With or Without You" or even "Get On Your Boots," those of you who watch the Grammys. But I bet you couldn't even recognize those songs until they get to the chorus. Pathetic.

Sorry, I'm really quite bitter right now, and I'm writing really quite terribly.

Additionally, if you would like to keep your cheek un-starry,

Let me format my posts easily, blogspot! I don't want to spend time trying to find the font window for "Courier."