Seesaw

...is infinitely preferable to teeter-totter.

A teeter-totter sounds like a teetotaler; the latter must keeps his or her balance as to not fall off the wagon.

Yikes, I am weakening!

This reminds me of the matrimonial ads I perused in India. This charmer of a man sought a "tall, fair, slim, beautiful, vegetarian" girl, while he expertly described himself as "tall, very fair, Rajasthani, 40-something, vegetarian, a teetotaler, and morbidly obese."

Points for honesty.

"Teeter-totter" also sounds like "tater-tot," my least favourite form of potato, after waffle fries. I once had the best plate of fish and chips in Sedona, but it was served with waffle fries! So, I resorted to stealing my parents'. That place had very good hot chocolate, as well.

I once got two massive bruises, in the shapes of my fists, from a seesaw. I guess my overgrown thirteen-year-old self kind of deserved that.

It's funny, though. Seesaws start to lose their appeal once you hit a certain height, as they cease to offer thrills. Yet, seesaws begin to strengthen their appeal once you hit a certain age, as you're reminded of the thrills you once got from them, when you were as tall as your bathroom sink, and not now, when the bathroom sink is as tall as your knees.

That is why I favour swings and tires. You can fly high or get really dizzy, take your pick. And then crash into the seesaw.

ix

No, not nine.

I changed my display name!

No one, except Blessy ever calls me Mally, so 'twas kind of ridiculous to keep it. And it wasn't aesthetically right.

So, I have changed it. To Mallix.

See, I don't really have a nickname back home. Meaning LA. Meaning given by friends. You see, on the first day of every school year, I completely eagerly anticipate roll call, so I can hear my name mangled and then incorrectly correct the teacher. I tell 'em :"Mallika," the first syllable pronounced like a shopping mall. But in reality, the first syllable is pronounced "mull" like "I mulled it over and decided not to pronounce your name as Malleeeka." Ahem.

I don't bother giving that form of my name [Yes, I've now come to regard my true name as having two forms], as it's really hard for non-at-least-semi-Hindi speakers. People tend to overcompensate and it comes out like "Mule-ika." I'm not an ass, though you may be. I get too happy when I think of insults. Kinda ruins the effect.

The worst is when people correct subs for me, with such a disdainful attitude and like they know me so well. Yeah, it's my own fault that they use this Ikea form of my name [Digression: You know why I said Ikea even though it's not really a mall? Well, in sixth grade we had a sub called Mr. Morrisey. The first thing that greeted us when we walked in was 'The More I See, The More I Like' inscribed on the board. Uh. And then he wasted 20 minutes getting us to write 'clever' phrases to preserve our names in the collective consciousness instead of handing us the thing on Imhotep and Zsosor and the step pyramid that we were supposed to read. And I came up with something horrible like 'The Senator gave a speech next to the mall, Ikea.' But he was right. We never did forget his name]. And I don't mind it, actually, because I'm so used to it and it was of my own choosing. So please! Keep calling me that. My problem is I'm usually annoyed with whoever corrects my name and I usually mumble "I can speak for myself!" Kinda pointless. But you can correct it for me if you know I never get annoyed with you. Just not on the first day. Actually, just disregard this whole roll call business. I sound like a Mule-ika.

ANYWAY, back to the point seventy thousand paragraphs ago. There's not much you can do in terms of nicknames with the Fox Hills/Westfield Culver City version. Mally sounds like Molly. Mall sounds like, well, a mall.

So, that's why I'm broadcasting the version-that-my-parents-named-me form so you can see where my various family-given nicknames are derived from. But I'm not going to list them. But Mallix is one of them.

Pronounce it "Mull-iks."

AND the best part is that it ends in -ix. Like Goscinny and Uderzo's Gauls. I'm an Indomitable Gaul. Like Asterix and Getafix and lil Dogmatix. And let's not forget Cacofonix. 'cept only the men had -ixs, but all the women in the comics were insufferable, so I can be sufferable and thus earn the -ix.

Ironically, the Gaulish women all had names ending in -a.

Naaah

1750 hrs

Me: We're going to Prithvi Cafe now? Isn't dinner soon?

Sai di: {incredulous expression} Soon?!

Me:...What time do you eat dinner in India?

Sai di: After 8:30?

Well it's worth the wait. It's been 10 months since the end of my last India trip, so I cannot be chastised too severely for forgetting the notion of Indian Standard Time. IST= an hour after what is conventionally normal/stated in invitation. Here follows an example:

-Arre yaar, come over at 8:30 for dinner.

{Show up at 10 pm}

-Ach, you're so early!

So, I'm back from the cafe place and from a 9:30 Italian dinner that ended at 10:45. You get the idea.

I am in India until the beginning of September and thus am able to justifiably renege on my promise to blog regularly to Anonymous on the previous post. Who is not going to love my writing style blah blah blah after this. Yo. My theory is that this person is my relative, most likely my father, as it is quite true that NO ONE reads my blog. Most of my 8 followers probably haven't ventured into this dusty attic of cyberspace in months. Feeling the love, guys.

I've been going to India at least once every year since I was a wee lass. It works out to a trip every 8 months or so. The minimum stay is 6 days, for my cousin-sister's weddings, and the max has been 7 weeks or so. OH I JUST REMEMBERED. IN YOUR FACE TEAM ITALY. HA. A-n-y-way, this trip'll be about 9-10 weeks.

And so two weeks after writing the above, lemme finish. I go on the computer every two days. I need to post something because there is a dearth of posts on this blog. So either tomorrow, since it is the weekend, or Monday, I shall write a lovely post about my adventures in Bombay NOT MUMBAI AS YOU WOULD KNOW IF YOU ARE A DEVOTED FOLLOWER. I know you're out there. Somewhere.

And I am now- well, in 2.5 hrs- going to watch the Germany-Uruguay match which is at bloody midnight. Which Germany will win. Because they're 'mazing. And because Muller {what the hell I can't find the bloody umlaut thing}is awesometastic and will definitely win the Best Young Play thingamagigy and Klose needs to beat Brazilian Ronaldo who had traumatizing teeth. Actually, the whole German starting XI is pretty awesome. I memorized them for fun. I have strange definitions.

ANYWAY, check out : twitter.com/modernoddity for my #badklosepuns tag which failed horribly. Yes, I'm slightly less ashamed of my twitter feed now. Slightly. And by the way, my apologies go out to my friend who was included in all the subsequent replies to my call for help with the tag due to the 'reply all' feature.

D-d-dare I say/I miss LA?

Smackdown I

First in a series!

If you don't want to be smacked in the face, DON'T...

refer to:

Calcutta as Kolkata

I don't care if Kolkata is Calcutta's "true" name, it was Calcutta for a long time [during the formation of the country!] and frankly, the government of West Bengal has better things to do than change the name of my favourite city.

Bombay as Mumbai

This is just my opinion, feel free to contradict me if you possess an Indian birth certificate [which I don't], though I doubt I'd believe you, but no true Indian refers to Bombay as Mumbai. It's the city's true, pc name, thus you'll see it in international publications, but "Bombay" is probably so ingrained that you don't find most people calling it "Mumbai," unless they're American-born Indian brats who think they know a lot about their culture and have been to India maybe once in their life [the latter condition excludes me :D , I know what you were thinking]or crazy Shiv Sena fanatics. But find me a sane Shiv Sena fanatic. Or find me a sane Shiv Sena member. Once again, I apologize if I'm being extremely ignorant.

More to come.