SHOCKER [alt. titled "Shut Up"]

TWO POSTS. ONE DAY. This must be a special day, indeed.

Which brings me to the topic of this post. There's a lot I could say about this topic, but I want to sleep. So I'll make it short.

Today is, if you look at the timestamp, February 14. In the Roman Catholic Church, this is the feast day of St. Valentine. It also falls smack dab in the middle of Lupercalia.

Yes, I do not let things go.

Today, I had the epiphany that "Singles Awareness Day" can be acronymized into "SAD."

[This epiphany factors into my Eleven Embarrassments of February 14, 2011]

There are usually three schools of thought regarding this holiday among the curious species Student highschoolis -erm, lost train of thought- aha!:

• I don't really give a hockey puck. Go Canucks.
• Looooove [Blogger is being a grinch and not letting me form the heart emoticon with excessive '3's. Use your imagination]. Members of this subspecies usually have what anthropologists [Student highschoolis is considered to be human, much to the surprise of Parent Ofteenagera] term a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" or the politically-correct "significant other."
• VALENTINE'S DAY IS A HORRIBLE, COMMERCIAL WASTE OF TIME. IF YOU REALLY LOVE SOMEONE YOU'LL SHOW THEM 24/7.

My ire is addressed to the last group. Personally, I don't know where I fall. I guess the first.

But what annoys me about the third group is their persistent cynicism. To be blunt, many of these people are kind of bitter. Or pretentious. Or both. And if you fall in the third group, and you're neither of the above, sorry, I guess. But it's annoying. Just let things be. Yeah, candy makes and greeting card companies make a mint of the holiday. Yeah, love should always be present in a relationship. But does the celebration of Valentine's Day personally harm you [please don't lecture me on the fallacy of this argument. You get what I'm saying]? It's kind of sweet. Call me crazy, but there's a special kind of feeling in the air during holidays, for me. Holidays like this one disturb the tedium, lend themselves to talk and special games/activities/what not. And why begrudge the second group of their happiness for no good reason? Sure, sweet gestures may mean more on a random day, as opposed to a dictated one, but so what? Let them deal with it.

I'd like to make clear that I think I have no personal bias. In fact, from a character/history profile, you may have pegged me in the third group. But I'll have you know that I'm actually an optimistic sucker for adorableness [HONESTLY, COUNT THE NUMBER OF 'adorable's IN THE LAST POST AND SEE WHAT I MEAN].

I'm not sure if I clearly made my point in that rambling paragraph. Tell me your thoughts in the comments. I'm desperate! Not unlike some members of the third group, secretly. Whoops. I promised I'd be nice. Scotchmallows and roses, people. Or Bordeaux. Oooh, marzipan.

ix

No, not nine.

I changed my display name!

No one, except Blessy ever calls me Mally, so 'twas kind of ridiculous to keep it. And it wasn't aesthetically right.

So, I have changed it. To Mallix.

See, I don't really have a nickname back home. Meaning LA. Meaning given by friends. You see, on the first day of every school year, I completely eagerly anticipate roll call, so I can hear my name mangled and then incorrectly correct the teacher. I tell 'em :"Mallika," the first syllable pronounced like a shopping mall. But in reality, the first syllable is pronounced "mull" like "I mulled it over and decided not to pronounce your name as Malleeeka." Ahem.

I don't bother giving that form of my name [Yes, I've now come to regard my true name as having two forms], as it's really hard for non-at-least-semi-Hindi speakers. People tend to overcompensate and it comes out like "Mule-ika." I'm not an ass, though you may be. I get too happy when I think of insults. Kinda ruins the effect.

The worst is when people correct subs for me, with such a disdainful attitude and like they know me so well. Yeah, it's my own fault that they use this Ikea form of my name [Digression: You know why I said Ikea even though it's not really a mall? Well, in sixth grade we had a sub called Mr. Morrisey. The first thing that greeted us when we walked in was 'The More I See, The More I Like' inscribed on the board. Uh. And then he wasted 20 minutes getting us to write 'clever' phrases to preserve our names in the collective consciousness instead of handing us the thing on Imhotep and Zsosor and the step pyramid that we were supposed to read. And I came up with something horrible like 'The Senator gave a speech next to the mall, Ikea.' But he was right. We never did forget his name]. And I don't mind it, actually, because I'm so used to it and it was of my own choosing. So please! Keep calling me that. My problem is I'm usually annoyed with whoever corrects my name and I usually mumble "I can speak for myself!" Kinda pointless. But you can correct it for me if you know I never get annoyed with you. Just not on the first day. Actually, just disregard this whole roll call business. I sound like a Mule-ika.

ANYWAY, back to the point seventy thousand paragraphs ago. There's not much you can do in terms of nicknames with the Fox Hills/Westfield Culver City version. Mally sounds like Molly. Mall sounds like, well, a mall.

So, that's why I'm broadcasting the version-that-my-parents-named-me form so you can see where my various family-given nicknames are derived from. But I'm not going to list them. But Mallix is one of them.

Pronounce it "Mull-iks."

AND the best part is that it ends in -ix. Like Goscinny and Uderzo's Gauls. I'm an Indomitable Gaul. Like Asterix and Getafix and lil Dogmatix. And let's not forget Cacofonix. 'cept only the men had -ixs, but all the women in the comics were insufferable, so I can be sufferable and thus earn the -ix.

Ironically, the Gaulish women all had names ending in -a.