So, my once-daily blog has been reduced to 5 posts, the last 3-4 months ago.
SO, a lot has been happening.
Yet not enough.
It feels as if I'm too scared to launch myself out there, to live, to enable myself to have fun. I really really want to, it's just that I'm scared of 'what others think.' Fimage.
It seems weird to publish what seems like a personal diary entry out there, especially when my page is linked to it, but maybe I just need to get it out there, you know, to get other people to realize I'm not some introverted loser, but I just need to warm up and get a chance to know people. Whatever. It's not like anyone sees this anyway.*
As you can see from the time, it is 'late.' But i am not insomniac today, or at least I haven't tested to see if i am yet, but I have a new experiment:
Me: NO bedtime, let's see how I am tomorrow, eh?
Mom: *shrugs shoulders* whatever.
translation: oho, we'll see how you really feel in the morning, won't we, 'honey'
I need a customary pic...or do I?
Ah, forget it, I can't find anything
But I do need to mention this; my fimage doesn't lead to my 'excessive conformity.' i'm not a poseur/poser, take your pick, I'm just too hesitant that I lose out. I am actually not that shy and introverted once you get to know me. And I hide everything behind a wall of sarcasm.
*if you actually do read this, don't hesitate to comment. please. i'm desperate. seriously.
9 comments:
*comment* jus ask the ppl u've met in highschool wut their doing for the weekend and then go w/ them :p. also sumtimes ppl wana have fun but when they are faced with a yes or no decision they hesitate because they might not know any one at the party or they think it wont be fun or something but those are just lame excuses its btr to just go ;D
~auhbon
ps u ARE desperate arent you?
set some boundaries for yourself and then relax and have fun - let go the sarcasm - take it from me - its a losing proposition.
be yourself you are are pretty, smart and funny and most important you can laugh at yourself - most people take themselves too seriously. have fun NOW - don't regret that you missed the opportunity to have a good time in high school - ummm by the way 9th grade matters
you're not an introverted loser. I remember you became friends with me when all of your other friends judged me and stereotyped me. you're a bit distant, but you just have to kiss people's asses for a while until they like you. then you have friends.
and auhbon, shut the fuck up. I'd like to see you write a blog.
i know it's almost february
but
i totally get how you feel; sometimes i also have trouble opening up and stuff
i kinda know how it feels to be in your shoes...like you, people have to get to know me better to realize my personality...otherwise i'm kinda shy
and you're not the only one that may feel self conscious at times
this may sound really corny and stupid, but it works for me and it might help you too
every night before i sleep, i try to tell myself, among other goals, to be more social, to enjoy life and get out of the house, and not to even think once about what others think about you
it's sorta part of my nightly prayer, but i know you're agnostic so you don't need to incorporate religion
but when i do crazy things and i'm having fun, i end up not caring about what people around me think of me
and in the end, it's ok, b/c the people around you are probably having fun too and enjoying themselves
and as mentioned in the 2nd post, enjoy high school and being young, b/c you only have like 18 years of your life to be a kid
you'll never get to experience life the way it is after that b/c you're "old," so make your childhood as memorable as possible
and i am not saying that i've accomplished all of this, because i definitely haven't
hmm that was pretty long xDD
and i'm taking a step towards "opening up," in my eyes, by not being anonymous...i'm trying to not care about what ppl think, ok?!?
ps
what auhbon said...sometimes it's ok to not want to go to some sort of party or gathering or whatever if you don't want to...it's not ALWAYS better to just go, b/c if you feel that it won't be the right environment for you to meet new people, and you'd probably end up wasting your time, then don't go
or if there are drugs and people you don't like and stuff, then you're obviously not even gonna think about going, right? =)
thank you
that really helped
btw, you should be like ask amy
i'd rather not be an ask amy -_-;
damn this was hands down the most boring weekend in my life
I know you dont want your brother trolling around your blog. But hey I found it! i'm glad you're writing stuff here. Good job, this really helps, not that you need the help or anything.
I know that sarcasm thing well, I did it for most of my life, and finallyy realized I wasn't kidding anyone but myself. Along the way I had a friend or two tell me off for doing it, just like Anonymous told you.
Net-net, I had to get to a safer place where I felt more comfortable with myself, and then it just dropped off on its own. The sarcasm, I mean. Maybe it might work like that for you, too.
You're not any kind of loser, kiddo, you're amazing. We haven't had a lot of time to talk, but I love your writing, and you have everything going for you: you're intelligent, gorgeous, with a great sense of humour...(yes, I spell it with a 'u' ;-) just like Anonymous said.
And YES, get out there and enjoy yourself, you only get to be whatever age you are for just one year! And there's no going back again. Sometimes though, these years before 18 (and after!) can be pretty grim, because they're the growing years, and I know they were my darkest years.
And it does help to do what your buddy Nathan suggested (he really should do ask Amy :-); a bit of positive self talk through the day and before you hit the sack really works. Try it and let me know how it goes :-)
Erm. Just noticed the date on your post...so you probably got all that sorted by now :-)
Love, me
Love.
Thank you Tutul bhua
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